trigger warning-- depression, harm Wow. It's been a little while since I made my first post. But wow. I am so overwhelmed by the immense support and joy I've gotten from that post. It's encouraged me to keep writing and sharing my thoughts and faith with the whole wide world!! I didn't think I was qualified to share anything and that it wouldn't make a difference but!!! that's not true!!! High school kinda sucks but doing this is bringing me joy in the midst of finals and homework and studying. There's so much more work in high school than middle school, yet somehow middle school was so much worse. Like I know I'm not the only one who thinks that, because literally half my friends were depressed in middle school and it was BAD. And the weird thing is that I like had friends and a comparitivley good life in middle school. I was saved in fifth grade, so thankfully I knew Jesus. Maybe it's just the age. Like being 13 is hard. As much as some of yall make fun of 13 year olds, they are so strong! Dang like going from elementary school to middle school and becoming socially aware makes you lose a small piece of your innocence, I think. And it makes a huge difference in your personality and the way you carry yourself. And it can even effect you in high school. Take me for example: I got real depressed in 7th grade. I had friends. I had a family who was supportive of me. I had Jesus. The devil took me and I let him hold on. Sorry this got really deep really fast lol. But let me tell you. I started noticing the difference between me and other girls. I hated it. I noticed how I wasn't popular the way I wanted to be. I noticed I wasn't as smart as I hoped. I was socially awkward and I knew it. I wasn't getting the roles in musicals that I wanted. Things just supposedly were all against me. It wasn't unusual. Everyone feels like this, right? Isn't this how you're supposed to feel? Aren't girls supposed to be sensitive and dramatic? I accepted this lifestyle because I was desensitized to it. Social media glorified and romanticized anxiety. It had just become a part of me. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to take out my anger somewhere and no matter what I did, it just wasn't satisfying enough. I wanted something that would distract from the emotional pain. February of my thirteenth year, I made a mistake. One day I was home, feeling particularly worse than usual. A small but heavy thought had been floating through my mind for a while. I remember sitting on my bed in tears, just staring at a plastic knife on my bedside. Would physical pain take away from emotional pain? That was a terrible thought. But it seemed logical at the time. Months later and I was addicted to harming myself. That was the furthest I had ever been away from God, all because I hated myself. Above is a post from Tumblr. ( I don't actually use Tumblr so please don't make fun of me lol). BUT IT'S SO TRUE!!! God worked sooo hard on you and you are too loved by Him! How can I hate myself when I know that God, the all-knowing creator of the universe absolutely adores me more than anyone on earth can love anything?? He made you with a purpose. You are His masterpiece and that He treasures. Every little detail about you was for a reason. Psalm 139:13-14 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well God loves your freckles, your acne, your round tummy, your stretch marks, your nose, your super cool eyebrows. He made you. He doesn't make mistakes. But what He loves most about you is your heart. He lights up when He sees you helping your little brother with homework. He loves it when you pray for your enemy, or buy dinner for the homeless man on the street. He loves it. God is so in love with you. 1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Jesus literally DIED for you. Idk about you but I would not die for somehow that I wasn't 100000000% in love with. He gave up his life for yours. Forget the Fault in Our Stars. Forget Sleeping Beauty or the Notebook. Jesus is the greatest love story ever and you get to be a part of it. You are worth sooooo much and it took me until the end of freshmen year (less than a year ago) to realize that. I'll admit, I still struggle from time to time. But the difference of me now and me then is incredible. It wasn't easy, but I no longer have to cover my wrists with long sleeves. I rededicated myself to Jesus this past summer and let me tell ya. My confidence in Him and myself has sky rocketed and it's made such a big difference in my life. Now, I wear the clothes that I like, and not the clothes that were "trendy." I hang out with friends that lift me up and encourage me and my walk with Jesus. I talk to people I wouldn't usually talk to! I'm a completely different person now than I was a year ago. It's so crazy. When you give yourself to Jesus, He makes you NEW. 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! I encourage you to look at yourself through God's eyes. Look at your heart. Think about it. What is God's purpose for you? Pray about it. Say, "Lord what can I do today to show your love?" Its worth it. Anyway. Those are my thoughts for today. P.S. There's an awesome video by Sadie Robertson talking about the same thing! It's gooooood Sadie Robertson- Self Confidence https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tjh4xAz6S2I
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